....being given a heads up.

People like to give you a heads up nowadays. "Let me give you a heads up," they say. Well, excuse me, if I say "no thank you, keep my or your head out of this. You can tell me some interesting facts, give me important information or share some insightful comments."

There are many things I would like someone to give me. If I was being given an all-electric saloon car, like a Prius or Toyota, I would say "thank you. I really appreciate it." There is nothing I would like more than to sit in a traffic jam next to a big SUV feeling very satisfied with my contribution to saving the planet. I would also like to be given a pat on the head - always welcome in these troubling times. What about being given free Internet access? If someone said to me "Let me give you free Internet access," that would be paradise, in fact.

Who was the first person to give a heads up? Was it a US president? Maybe Hollywood. Did a leading male actor ever give his leading lady a heads up? If so, where and when?

Of course, keep your head up, which means stay alert, is entirely acceptable. He held his head up high — maintained his dignity — great, I like it. 

Whenever anyone offers a heads up to you, then a firm refusal is required.

...not being able to return to a pleasant dream.

I often remember dreams. One that I had a few days ago started badly. I was waiting for the lift to come to my floor for a long time. When it did arrive, it was crowded but I squeezed in. There was a fellow in a wheelchair that kept looking at me. I wasn't happy. The door opened, I got out and was standing on the platform of a small country train station. It was sunny but just the right temperature. There was a small waiting room, and, interestingly, the railway tracks stopped at the ends of the platform. I was the only person on the platform. The next thing I remember is exploring the countryside around the station There were small shallow pools where the water was extremely pure and all were all tinted differently - in orange, pink, green, yellow, etc. This was against a backdrop of large deciduous trees and colourful meadows. I remember feeling completely safe and at peace with myself. Then I woke up. It was 5.30am. I was desperate to get back to sleep and rejoin the dream, but no, life is not that good.

…..not being recognised by your Iphone

Today Asha and I were at the beginning of our journey to the mall. Should we have been going to a crowded place in these days of the pandemic? Well, that is another question. Anyway, I was waiting outside our apartment block for her and time was progressing so I decided to call her. No answer. Again, no answer. When we did speak, she told me the reason for non-communication was that her new, top of the range iPhone 11 did not recognise her, and she had forgotten the passcode. The reason it didn’t recognise her was because she was wearing a mask.

So where was Siri, you might ask? Why was not possible to say to Siri – hey Siri, why doesn’t the phone recognise me? And why isn’t the phone clever enough to recognise its owner when they are wearing a mask? Charlie, our averagely intelligent Cavalier King Charles spaniel can.

...an interrupt in the internet signal in the middle of a Netflix binge-watch.

Asha and I have had too many marathon sessions for our own good. To start and finish a complete season in one session is, with dedication, achievable. On one occasion we started when there was still some daylight and finished when the sun was coming up. We were not proud of ourselves.

Scenario - you are three hours in, not actually aware of the time and anticipating a further two or three episodes when suddenly the screen freezes and that annoying rotating circle graphic appears. We wait - it doesn't go away. Asha is a Netflix guru and knows how to fix it, but then the binge-watch spell has been broken. We begin to think of that three-letter word beginning with "b". Then, logic takes over - why are we watching so much tonight, it will still be available tomorrow, should we even be watching this, we need the sleep, we are not getting any younger - all that sort of nonsense. Still, it has to be said. There's nothing worse than being electronically interrupted when you are watching Netflix.

...a blogspot that can't be found on Google

That is the current fate of my blog. I put in my complete blog title to Google and checked the first ten pages - nothing. References to "nothing" or "worse than" go back twenty years, but not to mine. Even though my blog is on Google, it can't find it! However, one search does work - "there is nothing worse than missing the last bus home", when typed in full. I am the only hit. Wow! I am an internet winner. I like this post - there is pathos, humour, psychology, social comment, nice original graphics. You should check it out. Perhaps you can help me make it back to page 3.

....not knowing what to do with your smartwatch

I bought it a year ago. It was in a knockdown bin in an electronics shop - I bought it on price alone. It turned out to be a Chinese clone of the Apple watch, but it only worked with software on Android phones. After three weeks of wearing, it seemed not to be working. Typically of me, I put at the back of the bedroom drawer and left it in peace. In the intervening period I have thought about it, but forgot where I had actually put it. Then, a few weeks ago my wife Asha produced it with the remark "I think this is yours."

I charged up the watch, it works fine, and have been wearing it every day since then. It feels like I am being modern, with it, hip, a bright young(ish) thing. I don't like the look of it - too clunky - but then how can I go against the tastes of the IT culture. I have now worked out the settings on the BT Notification software. It is a wonder that such a little thing can do so much. Apparently, about 2 billion smartwatches have been sold - even the village elders in the undiscovered tribes of the upper Amazon are wearing them.

I know how many steps I've taken today - certainly a lot more than Richard Hannay spoke about. But, what else to do with it other than talk about how wonderful it is? Everything on it has come from the phone via BlueTooth, so why don't I just look at that. Of course, it does mean that whilst teaching in class I can glance at my wrist and check on my emails, SMS and WhatsApp messages and a host of other notifications. Perhaps, however, it would be better if I was spending this time checking up on Nadia's questionable use of future perfect continuous in a third-person narrative. That being said, I will continue to look for a reason to be a wearer for a few more weeks. If it doesn't work out, then it is back to the bottom drawer for the Appal watch and a triumphant return for the Omega.

...a teacher not wearing a mask in the classroom.

With all the fear about the virus going around, everyone needs to wear a face mask. 100 per cent of the students in my class were wearing one during the last in-class lesson I had. Is a mask something like a hat that one might remove during the lesson? I don't think so.  I have a box of face masks - we bought some just before all the shops sold all their stock overnight. My wife suggested wearing a mask. It was already in my mind. Somehow or other, creative writing delivered through a mask seemed to send the wrong message in the past, but now it is quite normal and must be done. For a Maths teacher, however - no problem. This is a subject which is masked in mystery anyway.